why are girls expected to go through an experimental lesbian phase but u never hear about dudes goin gay for a while whats up w/ that
cause that would be realllllly weird, unlike girls doing it. guys actually like when girls do it.
do me a favor and staple all your fingertips together
Please, I need a doctor.
Bro teaching you how to baby.
(Ps. Lets not forget that Jake would be just as terrible. He gave 2 fuckin loaded pistols to toddler Jade to play with.)
bun bun’s bark
Your kitten may be cute but we think it’s faulty…
it’s fucking puppycat oh my god
THAT’S FUCKING PUPPYCAT
small obama chases a much larger version of himself
I guess you can say he was RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT
literally fuck off
DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT TOOK ME TO SCROLL THROUGH MY ENTIRE BLOG TO FIND THIS AGAIN??? but it’s totally worth it. for those people who said how cool would it be for s3 to start with a text…. :D
Here we see the Cecil in his natural habitat, wishing he had actual beautiful perfect Carlos instead of that dumb toy.
I should be working on finals but… porn…
A package. Just a simple box outside his door. Even so, Cecil glanced about before picking it up, turning his key. He locked up again in the same rush of movement. A long sigh. The package was left on the counter as he finished his night.
Basic cooking with grilled chicken and some vegetables. He read over the paper in between sips of Armagnac. A stretch, rising to tidy up a bit before returning to his seat. Just a normal evening after a successful day. Nothing out of the ordinary. Eyes stole a glance at the box. Welp, better turn in early. No reason to stay up late, not with all the work he’d been dealing with. Plate and glass were hurriedly rinsed in the sink, left to soak. The paper could be tossed in the recycling bin in the morning. Hands clutched the box, carrying it off.
Now in the bed room he shut the door, wishing for a lock. Stillness as ears checked for neighbors. Not a sound, not even a TV left on. Another sigh. In the dim light of his nightstand lamp, Cecil opened the box with care. A week ago he had sat in his bed, laptop glowing back. Sleep wouldn’t come. Hours spent tossing and turning knowing the exact reason why. His cursor clicked through page after page. It had to be just perfect.
Packing peanuts fell to the floor as he lifted his purchase from the now open box. After a quick jerk, the plastic packaging was torn off. Excitement swelled. Sure, he had a few already in various sizes and shapes. A man needs his toys. But this. This was special.
Cecil removed his pants, kicking them to the floor. The package joined. Arms trembling, he pulled his shirt up and off. Deep purple tattoos flexed on the surface of the skin in anticipation. He fetched a bottle of lube, laying down on the bed. Fingers along the new toy, making it slick as he imagined it inside. The length, the width, event he color he picked to fit his prediction, his fancy so long held in his mind on long night.
His lips whispered the name, hissing the last letter while he prepped himself. Cecil laid against his chest, head on the pillow with his legs spread. Eyes closed, he imagined his scientist’s fingers in side him, lubing up for a long night of sex. Sweat already formed, heart beating in desperation. He held the dildo, giving it a kiss before brining it around back. Carlos behind him, cock in hand, ready to pound in again and again.
Cecil’s form trembled as he forced the toy fully in, gradual until reaching the limit. So thick, so perfect. His fingers gripped the base, shaking too much to pull it out. Oh it didn’t matter. He sobbed into the pillow, burying his head. Yes, just like that, more Carlos. Please. His hand regained grip and slipped the toy out but only halfway. Those eyes, that perfect hair. It hurt so bad. All his fault from lack preparation. The long day in the studio, the phone call during the show. I’m not calling for personal reasons. But you still have to hear my dreamy voice. He pushed it in again, releasing out a wavering exhale. The tattoos danced in place before swelling along the shoulders.
"Hhh. C, Carlos!"
Hands gripping Cecil’s hips, force behind the trusts as a body leaned down to kiss the back - all a day dream yet so real. He flexed around the dildo, imagining the sounds Carlos would make. Legs rattled, struggling to keep their position. He rolled onto his side. And fingers in his hair, keeping his head down as Carlos got off. Yes. Take me, please!
Eyes cracked open as Cecil gasped. His free arm shot down, already knowing its job. Terribly hard, he jerked himself fast. And those lips, kissing his erection before taking in the length. A cry, Cecil now moaning in long, hot exhales. The dildo was left in up fully to the base as he stroked along his chest. Feet kicked away blankets, body sweltering. Moving ink of eyes and tentacles rolled along his back from the sensation.
"Yes, yes! Oh Carlos!"
A scream this time. He’d have been embarrassed if not lost in ecstasy. Chest heaving, Cecil climaxed over himself, pretending it to be all from Carlos. Legs trembled with the toy inside. It took a long moment before he recovered, rolling back into his chest. The tattoos relaxed, just as tired. Dildo removed, he curled up on the bed, dreaming that the pillow his head rested against was his perfect Carlos.
I GOT PORN GUYS LOOK
OMG THIS IS SO HOT
omfg that FACE
Too funny and horribly true not to reblog a million times
THIS IS ACCURATE AS HELL OH MY GOD
it’s transparent too!!!?
Anything to knock junior-high students down a peg or two.